Fam, I’m not going to sugarcoat this one. Last year, the author was developing work and writings to return home to blogging. However, last summer life took a turn.
At the beginning of summer, my mother-in-law received the news that after having a blackout out she had stage 4 lung cancer. As well as brain tumors. So last summer, my family and I went through all the cycles. Not to mention, we had to move her out of her apartment into my sister-in-law’s home.
It is when the breathing machines came or when she began her hair. Showed us the grim reality of her illness.
- Yes she’s resilient
- Yes she’s an independent woman
- Yes she’s a go-getter
But this is different. She went from walking on her own to being in a wheelchair to barely moving.
We thought we had more time
Then late September came. She took a turn for the worse. On a Friday afternoon, my wife (as her eldest daughter) had to make the hardest decision to fill out the paperwork for hospice. Even at that moment ,we thought we had more time.
I went into her room and prayed…
Then Sunday morning came
She was gone.
In the coming weeks, we had to say our goodbyes.
- The paperwork
- Visits
- Random phone calls
- And the cliches
Some people don’t understand that some catch phrases may sound good but are hurtful. I know they mean well. But…
Not right now
People do not understand that in those moments, all we need is a hug.
Not to mention my dear Aunt on my mother’s side passed away in August. A week after school started. She succumbed to dementia.
Needless to say in moments like these I was called upon to either officiate or say a few words.
Also, to keep your voice from trembling while they’re lowering your loved one in the ground is one of the saddest and most difficult moments in my life.
Lessons in loss
We don’t want them in pain. We want them out of the hospital. But what quality of life will they have? So yes, we want them healed. In this process, this is what I’ve learned. We want them healed. However, their healing may come in the way we may not want. God knows healing will come in the form that they need it most.
After all of this, I had to reach out to some close friends. I had to finally be honest and say
This is hard
Another lesson is to tell a good friend. Gives you a chance to heal. My youngest son, Josh (who took it the hardest), has come to my classroom. I would be doing teacher stuff. But I learned to allow space for him to grieve and to let him know he is still loved. And it’s ok to be sad.
Give you some time to live. Since last fall, I took the time to have fun. I also enjoyed the new life that has come to our family. I have a baby nephew who has been a blessing to me. Also, my family has gotten together more, especially on Sundays.
My friends, you will go back to work. Yes, you will go back to school. Don’t rush it. Work will be there. But live!
Conclusion
At this time, I had to step back and love my family. Be ok with being sad at the moment. Reach out to friends. Enjoy a new life. Embrace the times we are in and be in the moment. Even at school, I admitted to my colleagues and students that this has been rough.
In this time of grief, I intentionally and gradually returned. I know this may seem like I am rambling. I apologize for being silent, but I had to share. It’s time to continue the work of writing and education. So here we are.
Talk to you later…
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Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss
After nearly two decades of clinical experience and her own journey after losing her mother to cancer, Gina Moffa, LCSW…amzn.to
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